“i cry everyday not because i am sad, instead because the world is just absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful.”
The Lubbs has amazing weather this time of year, the evenings consist of 70 degree weather with a sky full of stars. This evening I was chilling outside having a sweet conversation with a pretty cool maker I have found. I was thanking God for this particular season. I don’t even know how to define this season, because it has been so full of twists and turns. Not to mention, anyhow, I couldn’t tell you when this season’s beginnings came about… which I feel I have always been able to decipher…. and I LOVE that I can’t decipher it’s beginning. The way God and I have been hanging out lately, it looks nothing like what I’m used too. Again, I love that. God, in fact is turning out to be nothing like I had thought or expected Him to be. What a relief. (but that relief however, I feel should be saved for another post).
Back to my sweet convo with God a little while ago, so I was thanking Him for this particular season… It, by no means has been easy. Hard, difficult, heavy would be an understatement. As I was thanking God, I said “ya man, on the good days, the great days, the glum, the exhausting, the incredible, the unbearable days… thanks that you’re right here.” And before I even could finish that thought, the tears begin to flow… it hits me like a ton of bricks that whatever kinda day I’m having, whatever mood I’m in, how my heart feels… that this dude, this God… He has not left my side, not once, that He. is. right. here. That Him being close to me, there is never a way that He could be closer.
Even when I curse Him and I tell Him it’s too much, even when my doubts overcome and I threaten to walk away, even when I don’t invite Him to be apart of my day, even when I seemingly do nothing to glorify Him, even when I screw up, even when I… ya, just messed up with that same exact thing… again. Even still, He is not just near, lingering on the other side of the room watching me suffer. He is all up in my business, crawling up next to me, scooping me into His arms showing me that He is here to suffer through this with me, showing me that He means it when He says His love is unconditional. He was there when all the bad stuff was happening… He was there. and He’s here now.
“Then beginning with Moses and all the Prophets… through all the Scriptures the things referring to Himself.”
Luke 24:27
… real world translation…
He has always been here. Always.
He’s scooped me into His lap and He gently says, “My love, stop squirming, stop resisting, stop fighting. Stop. You are safe here. Please relax. Please rest. Just let me hold you. I do not care what you’ve done, where you’ve been, what’s been done to you, what you think or do…. I just love you.” And these words pierce through the walls that surround my heart. This truth, this light… this love, it’s brought into the deepest darkest parts of my heart. And as He holds me, rocking me back and forth, He continues, “You are worth it. You are good enough. Stop trying because you already are. I love you. You are safe here in my arms, so vulnerable, so broken… so beautiful.”
“In my arms, you are protected and safe.”
Psalm 91:4
this is, sheerly, my soul
