“He’s (David) a man whose heart beats to My heart.”
Acts 22:13
This verse means absolutely nothing to me, until I look at who David is. According to the world’s standards, according to my own pride, doubt, disbelief and stubbornness… David certainly is not a man after God’s own heart. How could he be? This guy was a selfish guy who was full of himself, who took the “easy way out” of situations, he was a runner, he was lustful, deceiving, conniving, an adulterer and a murderer. Well, you get the point. Again… how could this guy possibly be a man that God names a man after His very own heart?
….Because David got It. David not only intellectually understood that He was incapable of living a life aligned with God, but He understood this with all of his soul and heart. David got that no matter how hard He tried, no matter how many promises He made, David could not stay away from His “stuff”… without God. David realized that each and every time he screwed up… again, that God was still there, ready to embrace him lovingly and accept him where he’s at, and ya ready to clean up the same mess He’s already cleaned up.
I. am. David. God has this wonderful plan for me, He has it all laid out perfectly, He lets me in on a little bit of that plan, He gets me excited and inspired, all I have to do is move in tune with Him. This plan is a beautiful feast in a gorgeous dining room filled with fine china, crystal glasses, and oh the food on the table, it’s unbelievable! All I have to do is take a seat, allow Him to uncover the food on the table, and enjoy the fullness of Him. Yep, like I mentioned, I am David. So no, I don’t take a seat and simply enjoy. In fact, I do quite the opposite.
Ha. Opposite may be understatement. I run into the dining room frantically, it doesn’t look like I had planned, imagined or expected. Because of this, I begin throwing a fit, I scream, I shout, I throw the fine china on the ground shattering it into pieces, I uncover the feast of foods myself and deem it not good enough and shout some more, ext. To put it plainly (… and harshly) I take a crap on something incredibly beautiful that was so divinely orchestrated… and orchestrated for my good. All I had to do was take a seat, enjoy the scenery, and wait for the feast to be uncovered, course by course, one single lavishing food at a time.
UGH. Yep. I am David. I am Jenny. Ya God, um I just royally screwed that all up. Big time. Alot. Majorly. Um, ya I don’t know what to do now. Ugh. I want to fix this. I want this to be better. But I can’t. I want that person I just hurt and basically hurt them in Your name… Um, I want them to know you and I totally just ruined that. So… ya um I’m back at square one again, realizing, again that I can’t do this by myself. Not only can I not do this by myself, but that mess I just made…. I need you to clean up, redeem and restore all that, again. Because I can’t, if I do anything more by myself, I’ll just continue to screw it up more. Please help me to shut up, to let go of my need to control and micromanage, and move out of the way. I can’t do this alone, I can’t do this without you.
It takes what it takes… and I think I’m finally starting to get It.
Venturing to be a woman whose heart beats with His.
this is, sheerly, my soul.
Great post. I totally get it.