This absolutely is the way I attempt to live my life. I believe that this life is about living it in the fullest way to which I know how. I also believe that miracles happen. every. single. day. I am often impulsive, distracted and drawn to the perhaps seemingly more exciting things. However, those seemingly more exciting things often hold little value. If I center my focus and stick around long enough, there is a good chance I’ll get to experience the miracle in one fashion or another.

“wait for god. take heart. and dont quit. wait for what god will do.”
psalm 27:14, 130:5

I am not God… although I sometimes do believe I can control things. But, ya I am not God. I have a very small perspective on what is REALLY going on. I can only see what is going on tangibly around me. Despite that, God really is working on so much more than I could ever see or understand. He is orchestrating my life and the lives of others every day, every moment. Who knows what He is doing in your heart and mine in this very moment… only He does. And because of this truth, a miracle could literally happen at any time.

The question for me often is not whether I am going to go big, but whether I am willing to go big and THEN be patient and wait for the miracle. I don’t like waiting. I mainly don’t like waiting because waiting means trusting Him. The act of being patient and waiting is an art of doing so with a good attitude, of doing the footwork and then sitting on my hands, letting Him do His handiwork without me trying to control and manipulate the outcomes. Taking my control out of situations leaves me to trusting that God will do for good as He has promised. Yep… I suck at this. I suck at this because I do one of two things: I either worry so much about the outcome that I try to step back in and maneuver things a certain way so it turns out how I expect (where there is actually no miracle at all because “it is of my doing”) OR I get tired of waiting and I get distracted and move on to the next exciting thing… missing the miracle all together. Will I let go and wait? Or will I get distracted and move on?

The beauty of miracles is that they take on many different “appearances.” If I am willing to wait and I am not careful… I’ll miss the miracle. If I am not focused and present in the moment, there is a good chance that I will indeed miss that miracle. I don’t want to do that. I have yet to experience anything in this life more exuberant and liberating than the miracles themselves.

don’t go home before the miracle happens.

this is, sheerly, my soul.

I’m pretty weary. Classes are hard. It takes work. Alot of it. I have a desire to do well. I have a desire to succeed according to the world’s grading system… While I suck at this, I really have a larger desire to do well according to His glory. During this specific week of school I have three tests, two papers, and two assignments. In a period of 3 days, I have studied over 30 hours… basically I have had very little sleep. So to say that I’m weary… might be an understatement. I’m ready to crawl in bed with my childhood pink blanky… yes I still sleep with my childhood blanket, turn on Law & Order SVU, and sleep for perhaps a day or two.

That time however, is not now. I still have another test and two papers to turn in. This is the time though, to see where my heart is, to see what my character is made of. I (try) to live with an attitude of such: No guts, no glory. It’s go big or go home.

This, right here is where I am meant to be. I am a student at Texas Tech University and am called to bring glory to Him right where I’m at. I am a student at Tech for a bigger purpose than I can see today. My worthless classes are a means to an end, they’re getting me to where I want to be. They’re the steps I must take in order to live out my dream. He’ll make it all happen according to His purpose.

So here’s to the days of no sleep, the pulling all nighters with friends, the cussing out and cursing of professors for their cruelty, the questions of if this is all worth it. Because it is worth it. This is the guts that brings The Glory. This is where I go big… because I’m not going home empty handed. I aint leaving Lubbock, Texas without that piece of paper with my name and Tech’s seal on it.

So, I hold onto Revelation 2:2-3 because His purpose and promises are worth it. I give it my all, I leave it all out on the floor, and I leave with no regrets.

no guts, no glory. it’s go big or go home.

this is, sheerly, my soul.

This verse means absolutely nothing to me, until I look at who David is. According to the world’s standards, according to my own pride, doubt, disbelief and stubbornness… David certainly is not a man after God’s own heart. How could he be? This guy was a selfish guy who was full of himself, who took the “easy way out” of situations, he was a runner, he was lustful, deceiving, conniving, an adulterer and a murderer. Well, you get the point. Again… how could this guy possibly be a man that God names a man after His very own heart?

….Because David got It. David not only intellectually understood that He was incapable of living a life aligned with God, but He understood this with all of his soul and heart. David got that no matter how hard He tried, no matter how many promises He made, David could not stay away from His “stuff”… without God. David realized that each and every time he screwed up… again, that God was still there, ready to embrace him lovingly and accept him where he’s at, and ya ready to clean up the same mess He’s already cleaned up.

I. am. David. God has this wonderful plan for me, He has it all laid out perfectly, He lets me in on a little bit of that plan, He gets me excited and inspired, all I have to do is move in tune with Him. This plan is a beautiful feast in a gorgeous dining room filled with fine china, crystal glasses, and oh the food on the table, it’s unbelievable! All I have to do is take a seat, allow Him to uncover the food on the table, and enjoy the fullness of Him. Yep, like I mentioned, I am David. So no, I don’t take a seat and simply enjoy. In fact, I do quite the opposite.

Ha. Opposite may be understatement. I run into the dining room frantically, it doesn’t look like I had planned, imagined or expected. Because of this, I begin throwing a fit, I scream, I shout, I throw the fine china on the ground shattering it into pieces, I uncover the feast of foods myself and deem it not good enough and shout some more, ext. To put it plainly (… and harshly) I take a crap on something incredibly beautiful that was so divinely orchestrated… and orchestrated for my good. All I had to do was take a seat, enjoy the scenery, and wait for the feast to be uncovered, course by course, one single lavishing food at a time.

UGH. Yep. I am David. I am Jenny. Ya God, um I just royally screwed that all up. Big time. Alot. Majorly. Um, ya I don’t know what to do now. Ugh. I want to fix this. I want this to be better. But I can’t. I want that person I just hurt and basically hurt them in Your name… Um, I want them to know you and I totally just ruined that. So… ya um I’m back at square one again, realizing, again that I can’t do this by myself. Not only can I not do this by myself, but that mess I just made…. I need you to clean up, redeem and restore all that, again. Because I can’t, if I do anything more by myself, I’ll just continue to screw it up more. Please help me to shut up, to let go of my need to control and micromanage, and move out of the way. I can’t do this alone, I can’t do this without you.

It takes what it takes… and I think I’m finally starting to get It.
Venturing to be a woman whose heart beats with His.

this is, sheerly, my soul.

I used to believe that clear thinking and common sense were a part of my head and my mind. Recently though, I have found that that isn’t the truth for me. My clear thinking and my common sense lie within my heart. My heart is at the center of my being, the place where my Higher Power lives, breathes, and loves me. My mind however, it is usually the one that gets me in trouble. My mind says that my heart is wrong, it tells me not to follow my heart, it says to do the logical things that make sense.

The truth for me is that this life isn’t logical. This life often doesn’t make sense and when I try to make sense of it, I try to control it, I try to force solutions, and make things happen the way I want them too. But the harsh truth of the matter is that my plans for me suck, the way I want things to turn out are not the best way, what I want is pretty much never what I need. I am not in control of my life… no matter how much I want to be.

However, when I follow my heart. I am content, happy, joyous, and free. When I follow my heart I say what I need too despite another’s reaction, I do what I need and want too without fear, and by listening to my heart, I allow my life and the lives of those I love to just flow. Oh the joys of listening and following my heart.

I don’t follow my heart well. At all. I would like to say that I can and do. I wish I lived this way every single moment of my days. But I am a work in progress and this is one step toward wholeness and healing within my life.

Follow our hearts

This is, sheerly, my soul.

The Lubbs has amazing weather this time of year, the evenings consist of 70 degree weather with a sky full of stars. This evening I was chilling outside having a sweet conversation with a pretty cool maker I have found. I was thanking God for this particular season. I don’t even know how to define this season, because it has been so full of twists and turns. Not to mention, anyhow, I couldn’t tell you when this season’s beginnings came about… which I feel I have always been able to decipher…. and I LOVE that I can’t decipher it’s beginning. The way God and I have been hanging out lately, it looks nothing like what I’m used too. Again, I love that. God, in fact is turning out to be nothing like I had thought or expected Him to be. What a relief. (but that relief however, I feel should be saved for another post).

Back to my sweet convo with God a little while ago, so I was thanking Him for this particular season… It, by no means has been easy. Hard, difficult, heavy would be an understatement. As I was thanking God, I said “ya man, on the good days, the great days, the glum, the exhausting, the incredible, the unbearable days… thanks that you’re right here.” And before I even could finish that thought, the tears begin to flow… it hits me like a ton of bricks that whatever kinda day I’m having, whatever mood I’m in, how my heart feels… that this dude, this God… He has not left my side, not once, that He. is. right. here. That Him being close to me, there is never a way that He could be closer.

Even when I curse Him and I tell Him it’s too much, even when my doubts overcome and I threaten to walk away, even when I don’t invite Him to be apart of my day, even when I seemingly do nothing to glorify Him, even when I screw up, even when I… ya, just messed up with that same exact thing… again. Even still, He is not just near, lingering on the other side of the room watching me suffer. He is all up in my business, crawling up next to me, scooping me into His arms showing me that He is here to suffer through this with me, showing me that He means it when He says His love is unconditional. He was there when all the bad stuff was happening… He was there. and He’s here now.

“Then beginning with Moses and all the Prophets… through all the Scriptures the things referring to Himself.”
Luke 24:27
… real world translation…
He has always been here. Always.

He’s scooped me into His lap and He gently says, “My love, stop squirming, stop resisting, stop fighting. Stop. You are safe here. Please relax. Please rest. Just let me hold you. I do not care what you’ve done, where you’ve been, what’s been done to you, what you think or do…. I just love you.” And these words pierce through the walls that surround my heart. This truth, this light… this love, it’s brought into the deepest darkest parts of my heart. And as He holds me, rocking me back and forth, He continues, “You are worth it. You are good enough. Stop trying because you already are. I love you. You are safe here in my arms, so vulnerable, so broken… so beautiful.”

“In my arms, you are protected and safe.”
Psalm 91:4

this is, sheerly, my soul

Filed under: growth ]]> http://jennyadams.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/luke-2427-psalm-914/feed/ 0 {The Road Home} jenny adams http://jennyadams.wordpress.com/2011/08/13/jeremiah-2018-lamentations-328-31/ http://jennyadams.wordpress.com/2011/08/13/jeremiah-2018-lamentations-328-31/#comments Sat, 13 Aug 2011 14:30:39 +0000 sheerly, my soul. http://jennyadams.wordpress.com/?p=2924 Continue reading →]]> “Life’s been nothing but troubles and fears. And what’s coming is only more of the same. … When life is heavy, go off by yourself and pray, wait for God’s hope. Do this because God will never fail.”
Jeremiah 20:18, Lamentations 3:28-31

Jeremiah was a youngster who was called by God. Jeremiah was in his late teens when He felt a calling in His heart and he says “yes, God, yes!” The story of Jeremiah is a not a story that I would personally want when I say yes to God. Jeremiah begins his calling and it “doesn’t go as planned.” Jeremiah begins to tell others what God is telling him. The world rejects Jeremiah.

Something that I often, if not always expect when I say yes to God, is that I will be successful. Successful in the eyes of the world- I’ll make a lot of money, I’ll affect and be a tool that changes people’s lives, that my calling would have hundreds of people following, that I’ll have early retirement, and have a really nice house, and bla, bla, bla.

When Jeremiah says yes to God, this is also what he expected- for it. to. be. easy. That definitely is not what Jeremiah gets. The truth, I’ve found is that the way I expect God to work, is rarely how He actually works. The way I think things should go, or God should do it… is rarely how things actually happen. I have found though, that there is a beautiful truth about how God does works- The way God works is not how I would have chosen or planned (because I’m not God) but the way God works is exceedingly more than I could have ever asked or imagined (Eph 3:20)!

Another truth that the world warps is the meaning of success. Success to the world equals to a lot of worldly material things. Success has absolutely nothing to do with those things. Success, I have found, is not relative to others, but love and accomplishment within ourselves through God.

Today, what I’m doing for God is not measured by the world’s success. He is doing more than I can imagine in and through me.

this is, sheerly, my soul.

Filed under: growth ]]> http://jennyadams.wordpress.com/2011/08/13/jeremiah-2018-lamentations-328-31/feed/ 0 {The Road Home} jenny adams http://jennyadams.wordpress.com/2011/08/11/romans-126-8/ http://jennyadams.wordpress.com/2011/08/11/romans-126-8/#comments Thu, 11 Aug 2011 17:03:51 +0000 sheerly, my soul. http://jennyadams.wordpress.com/?p=2921 Continue reading →]]> “We all have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If it is your gift to preach, just preach God’s word, nothing else. If you help, just help, don’t take over. If you teach, stick to your teaching. If you give encouraging guidance, be careful not to make others’ decisions. If you’re put in charge to lead, don’t manipulate.”
Romans 12:6-8

One of the many beauties of the God I believe in is that He created us to be different. We are different. I often times can isolate myself because I am different, or I can do the opposite and can condemn those who are not like me. Ouch! That’s a harsh truth. That’s me just being honest. Sucks uh. But the beauty of this is that His truth brings me back to solid, spiritual ground. The beauty is that we were created, we were made, we were designed to be different from one another. We have innate differences… for a purpose.

Right before verse 6, verse 5 we are reminded that we “of one body in Christ.” We are united in Jesus for a purpose.

Something that I am learning in my life is confirmed through verses 7 and 8. “My personal business ends at the end of my own nose.” For a long time I didn’t live this and caused my life to be chaotic and stressful most days. It’s absolutely possible to to overdo and even under fulfill our purpose. For me, this verse confirms this truth. “Too much a good thing is a bad thing.” My place and purpose in this life, like I have mentioned is to bring the love of Jesus to who I once was… unlovable, worthless, irredeemable. I believed those things. And people came into my life, came alongside me and taught and showed me that I was in fact lovable, full of worth, and absolutely redeemable.

They did so by allowing me to make my own decisions, by sharing their experience in their own walk, by living their purpose appropriately.
If my purpose is to preach, only preach God’s word; if my purpose is to help, only help; if I’m to teach, that I only teach and not control; if I’m to encourage, simply to encourage, and if I’m to lead, that I may simply lead people from where they are to where they want to go.

How are we going to appropriately live our purpose today?

this, is, sheerly, my soul.

This is a scripture God made jump out of the page at me one morning when Him and I were talking about how I fall into the lie that I am unworthy and irredeemable. I was sharing with God that I was extremely hurt by someone’s actions and words when I shared a struggle with them and that their words made me feel I was too far from His love and redemption.

This scripture jumped out and God said this: “Who died for you? Who took your place because of your sin? Who died for you because they love you with a passionate, furious, never-ending love? Was it that person who said those hurtful words?”

People’s words and actions can hurt. No doubt. And let’s be honest- that sucks. People’s words and actions can either show us the character of Jesus or they can show us the exact opposite of His character. Unfortunately, more times than not, people show us the opposite of Jesus’ character. The truth though is that despite people’s actions, good or bad, Jesus remains the same. That early morning when I felt so unworthy and too far gone for Jesus’ redemption…. Jesus gracefully took me in His arms and reminded me that He was the One that died for me, that He was the One who took my place and did for me what I cannot do for myself, He was the One who deems me worthy of love and redemption… He was and is the One.
…not that person or those people that say and do those hurtful things.

He is the One who deems us worthy and loveable and redeemable!

this is, sheerly, my soul.

I have found that my walk and life with Jesus cannot be sustained simply by one hour in church one day a week. Sustained means strengthen to support throughout. Life is life, life happens, and the world wears away at us… every single day. Because we are not of this world, but in it (John 15:19) we become weary by the world. For me, if I don’t consciously choose to invite Jesus into my daily, moment to moment life, I become fatigued so very easily by the world.. I essentially lose hope.

But in walking with Jesus, I gain hope… even when my circumstances say all but hope, I have hope. It’s not an old, lingering, looming hope that I hold onto for no reason… It is a fresh, new, life-giving hope. God says that He is stirring up a new hope, the dawn of deliverance.

The dawn, I believe is something incredibly special. The dawn is the darkest hour of the our day. But, what is right after our darkest hour? The light. The sun begins to rise. Our hope is renewed everyday, our hope is as sure as every sunrise. God is saying in Ezekiel that He is inspiring hope in us because the dawn of deliverance is coming, because something is about to happen, something as big as redemption and salvation is about to happen.

In my fresh hope that God stirs in me, I become excited. I become exhilarated because I am very much aware that God is about to do something. And in my fresh hope, God says He will give me the words to speak, He will give me what I need. God says He equips the called, He does not necessarily call the equipped. He gives me the words to speak, the words to say so that people will “realize He is God.” God gives me the words because it is not of me, my power, or my story that people come to know Jesus… but it is by God, in God, and through God that we know Him.

Today, I have a fresh hope and I know something is about to happen.

this is, sheerly, my soul.

In walking with Jesus, I have more recently tapped into the power of memorizing and proclaiming truth and scripture. I used to hear people say and tell me all the time, “There is power in proclaiming scripture, you really need to learn scripture by name!” I used to think they were crazy and that I doing just fine without specifically memorizing scripture. Like most things in my life, I have to learn for myself. This is something that I am learning for myself, and learning how powerful it truly is…

I am a broken girl. I have a broken life. My heart is broken. From the outside, brokenness is probably one of the last things one would think, but the truth is that I am broken. Which is why I love Psalm 147:3. Psalm 147:3 is a scripture that I proclaim often. In my brokenness, it is easy for me to fall into the lie that “I am too broken to be in other’s lives, to be effective, to be loved…” God has been, always is, and always will be faithful and when His word says that He will heal the brokenhearted… I am absolutely learning to believe and trust that truth! But my truth about being broken, is that I like being broken. Ya, that’s right, I like it. I struggle with pride so when I begin believing that I am no longer broken, I also believe that I am no longer in need of God. My brokenness leads me to humility which leads me to the cross and love of Jesus, daily.

“God opposes the proud, but gives grace and favors the humble.”
James 4:6

My pride leads me to destruction- leads me to believe I am not in need or even worth people’s love, care, and affection, God included. But my brokenness leads me to humility which leads me to know and believe that I am in fact in need and absolutely worth people’s and God’s love, care, and affection. Brokenness and humility is just the place I need to live. I’m not dangerous when I’m broken and humble. ha.

So, why is truth and scripture so powerful?

“He (the devil) can’t stand the truth because there isn’t a shred of truth in him.”
John 8:42

Simply, truth is powerful because the devil can’t stand hearing the truth. When we are listening to lies and we proclaim truth in our hearts and even out loud, there is power. The devil steps down from his platform and shutters in fear. Truth gives Jesus solid ground to stand in our hearts to battle against lies.

Today, I will proclaim truth in my brokenness.

this is, sheerly, my soul.

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